I want to have your abortion
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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