You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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