people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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