If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
