sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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