You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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