My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize