You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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