mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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