he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
