i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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