Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I pour the whiskey from now on
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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