Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
