Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
