Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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