gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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