Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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