yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize