I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
