Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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