meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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