ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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