U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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