The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
