i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
