So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
