Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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