the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
