Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
