omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
