How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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