Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
