I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
