She's JV to your varsity
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
