You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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