I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
