What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
