i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
