just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
