I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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