She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
