Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Randomize
