Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
