So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
