i'm signing you up for texting rehab
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
