i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
