oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
