just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
