It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
