I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Bring me that man meat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
