I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
