I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
