watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
