My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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