Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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