Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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