I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think my moral compass just broke
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