Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
