I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
