that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
