"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
