She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
