Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
