im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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