did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
