Fine. I'll sleep in my office
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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