like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
