You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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