Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
