i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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