k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
