fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
