Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
