can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found the puke drawer
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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