I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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