hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
