the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
