it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
